I love Twilight. I love the books, and I love the movie. I've already seen the film three times, including a midnight showing where I may very well have been the oldest person that wasn't a parent escorting their daughter. Twilight, in my mind, is pretty fucking cool.
Which is why I'm extremely happy that the film grossed $70 Mil in it's opening weekend.
For weeks leading up to the film, I read countless articles that seriously--SERIOUSLY--questioned if girls could make this movie a box office breakthrough.
Seriously.
I guess I can understand why--I myself thought the idea of "moving pictures" was a myth until I saw my first "movie" last August. And at first my feeble female mind couldn't grasp the concept. I thought Satan had finally taken over my soul.
Oh, God, I thought in horror, who will marry me now that Satan owns me?
But seriously. What the hell critic people? You get paid for those hard hitting insights? Jesus Christ.
I told myself that once the movie grossed a bajillion dollars I would issue out a BOO-YAH! to all those critics who doubted the power of girl.
And so...BOO-YAH!
Now articles are speculating on the future of chick flick films. Twilight has shook things up and now regular chick flicks are, like, TOTALLY in peril.
But I don't really give a shit about regular chick flicks, cause I fucking loathe most chick flicks. Most. Not all.
The reason? Most do not speak for me. I am not obsessed with getting married. I am not obsessed with finding my Mr. Big. I don't want to be super glamorous. I don't drink Cosmos.
What do I love as a film going girl?
Head explosions. Sam in Sixteen Candles. Buffy. Hatchets to limbs. Blood gushing out of wounds/walls/the floor. Zombies. Pitch black humor.
And Naked David Naughton.
Now I know that there are movies that have all these things. But I want these movies to be so god damn plentiful that they get stamped with a label like 'chick flick'.
We can call them...I dunno, sick chick flicks. Oh fuck that sounds like some drama where the girl is dying. I dunno what we'll call them. (Suggestions?)
They will include:
1. A leading lady equipped with an ax, sassy comebacks, and an awkward romance with a hot guy.
2. A head explosion. You don't have to explain it, just let it happen.
3. Pitch black humor that makes death seem so incredulous that you let a shaky laugh come out; and then later when you rewatch it, you laugh out loud at the sheer balls to wall nature of it all.
4. A quirky 60's girl group song like this:
5. A naked man. IS THIS SO MUCH TO ASK? I see titties all the time in horror flicks. I wanna see cock.
Now that would be my kind of chick flick. Or sick chick flick, ha! Maybe that name could work. I'll have to sleep on it.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Revenger Girl Spotlight: Brenda
revenger girl: a female slasher who is motivated by revenge for wrongs committed against herself or her loved ones. usually pursues the original slasher who committed the initial wrongdoings.
The Revenger Girl: Brenda
The Movie: Savage Streets
Weapons of Choice: Bow and Arrow, Bear Traps, Lighter and Flammable Material
Plot: Many times, while watching this film, I found myself screaming that this movie was the greatest fucking thing I’d ever seen. Sassy teenage girls? Mundo cussing? Preppy bitches? A guy on FIRE? Linda motherfucking Blair? This movie and I were meant to be together.
Brenda is just your average tough girl that wears sunglasses at night, cusses a fuckton, smokes a fuckton, and loves her sweeter than sweet deaf and mute little sister.
Brenda and her posse are sauntering the streets one night when they local punk rock assholes almost run Brenda’s sister over. Brenda, pissed to the nth degree, decides to jack their car and take it for a little joy ride. This pisses off the punk rockers quite a bit and they decide to exact revenge by raping Brenda’s little sister and killing one of Brenda’s BFFs. What the shit, assholes? She steals your car for 20 minutes and this is your fucking reaction?!? Well, Brenda decides that the punk rockers are going to pay for their crimes--with their lives. Asshole one, meet these arrows in your face. Asshole two, meet this bear trap on your face. And asshole three, you're on fire! :O
Good or Bad?: LINDA BLAIR! I mean, good! As I said before, this movie and I were meant to be together. Part of the charm of the film is the badass performance given by Linda Blair. She’s almost like the proto Buffy, but with more cussing. And no vampires.
Also, did I mention that one of Brenda’s kills features a guy on fire? I know I did, but it’s worth saying again. The image of a man completely consumed by flames is such a rarity in film--and the result is usually hilariously over the top. The fire victim always manages to stumble around for a good 3 minutes before crashing through something. And the punk rocker in Savage Streets is no exception (he crashes through a window).
It’s such an undignified Looney Tunes death fit for this asshole of epic proportions.
Next Time on Revenger Girl Spotlight: It was homecoming night at my high school...
The Revenger Girl: Brenda
The Movie: Savage Streets
Weapons of Choice: Bow and Arrow, Bear Traps, Lighter and Flammable Material
Plot: Many times, while watching this film, I found myself screaming that this movie was the greatest fucking thing I’d ever seen. Sassy teenage girls? Mundo cussing? Preppy bitches? A guy on FIRE? Linda motherfucking Blair? This movie and I were meant to be together.
Brenda is just your average tough girl that wears sunglasses at night, cusses a fuckton, smokes a fuckton, and loves her sweeter than sweet deaf and mute little sister.
Brenda and her posse are sauntering the streets one night when they local punk rock assholes almost run Brenda’s sister over. Brenda, pissed to the nth degree, decides to jack their car and take it for a little joy ride. This pisses off the punk rockers quite a bit and they decide to exact revenge by raping Brenda’s little sister and killing one of Brenda’s BFFs. What the shit, assholes? She steals your car for 20 minutes and this is your fucking reaction?!? Well, Brenda decides that the punk rockers are going to pay for their crimes--with their lives. Asshole one, meet these arrows in your face. Asshole two, meet this bear trap on your face. And asshole three, you're on fire! :O
Good or Bad?: LINDA BLAIR! I mean, good! As I said before, this movie and I were meant to be together. Part of the charm of the film is the badass performance given by Linda Blair. She’s almost like the proto Buffy, but with more cussing. And no vampires.
Also, did I mention that one of Brenda’s kills features a guy on fire? I know I did, but it’s worth saying again. The image of a man completely consumed by flames is such a rarity in film--and the result is usually hilariously over the top. The fire victim always manages to stumble around for a good 3 minutes before crashing through something. And the punk rocker in Savage Streets is no exception (he crashes through a window).
It’s such an undignified Looney Tunes death fit for this asshole of epic proportions.
Next Time on Revenger Girl Spotlight: It was homecoming night at my high school...
Current Horror Hottie: David Naughton
I would totally marry his naked werewolf ass.
Said ass I would marry.
Bonus: His BFF is a zombie!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Film Screams! AHHHHH!
I feel like blogging again today. Why, you ask? Well...
1. I have blog regret. I went a whole month without posting! I am super lame.
and 2. I don't have to go to work tomorrow! Uh, yay! No workies means more bloggy.
Although I should blog more in general. This blog is neglected. This needs to change!
I'm going to do a couple of separate posts here. This one is mostly PinkRaygun article plugging. Last month my life was CONSUMED by Film Screams at the Film Streams art movie house. Film Screams was a horror film series that spanned the month of October and showed various horror films from across genres and time. It was exciting, and made even more so by the fact that the final film of the series was Evil Dead II, one of my all time favorite horror films. And I finally got to see it on the big screen, yay! I almost exploded in the theater.
Anyway, if you want to read my coverage of the films in that series you can check 'em out here:
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
Bride of Frankenstein
The Innocents
An American Werewolf in London
The Raven
Evil Dead II
1. I have blog regret. I went a whole month without posting! I am super lame.
and 2. I don't have to go to work tomorrow! Uh, yay! No workies means more bloggy.
Although I should blog more in general. This blog is neglected. This needs to change!
I'm going to do a couple of separate posts here. This one is mostly PinkRaygun article plugging. Last month my life was CONSUMED by Film Screams at the Film Streams art movie house. Film Screams was a horror film series that spanned the month of October and showed various horror films from across genres and time. It was exciting, and made even more so by the fact that the final film of the series was Evil Dead II, one of my all time favorite horror films. And I finally got to see it on the big screen, yay! I almost exploded in the theater.
Anyway, if you want to read my coverage of the films in that series you can check 'em out here:
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
Bride of Frankenstein
The Innocents
An American Werewolf in London
The Raven
Evil Dead II
Revenger Girl Spotlight: Lila
revenger girl: a female slasher who is motivated by revenge for wrongs committed against herself or her loved ones. usually pursues the original slasher who committed the initial wrongdoings.
The Revenger Girl: Lila
The Movie: Mantis in Lace
Weapons of Choice: Meat Cleaver, Screwdriver, Hoe
Plot: It’s fun to sum up this movie in one sentence. ‘Go-Go Dancer takes LSD and then kills some dudes while hallucinating about bananas and cantaloupes.’ I never thought such a movie could exist, and yet it does! And what a weird delight it is.
This movie also made me realize that I have a high tolerance to sit through bullshit to get to the gore. ‘Cause this movie is no Revenger Girl flick. It’s not even really a slasher flick. It’s a 60’s titty flick. There’s a lot of go-go club time and even a totally random sex scene that has nothing to do with the plot of the movie and features characters that you never see again!! You remember that porn movie that David of An American Werewolf in London watches with his dead friend Jack? Yeah, Mantis in Lace is a LOT like that movie. Which means it’s hilarious, really.
But amid all the bouncing boobies, there is a Revenger Girl story. And a rather unique and bizarre Revenger Girl story to boot, which makes me wish that the movie would’ve focused less on the titty and more on the kill-y, cause Mantis in Lace would’ve made a great horror flick.
So what to say about our dear Lila, the Revenger Girl? Well, she’s a go-go dancer. She has cool dresses. And she hates fruit, especially bananas.
When Lila’s not at work, she allows herself to be easily seduced by the patrons of the go-go club. She takes them back to her home (an abandoned warehouse with a mattress on the floor) drops some acid, has some sexy time, starts tripping about loathed bananas, then hacks her lovers to pieces. She stashes the body parts in cardboard boxes, dumps them out into the world, and then heads back into work.
At this point she probably sounds more like a crazy girl than a revenger girl, and I’ll admit, she may very well be more crazy girl. But some of the men she seduces have a very low tolerance for her ‘free girl’ antics. One, a psychologist, tries to psychoanalyze her lifestyle and impose structure on her life. He eventually meets the receiving end of a meat cleaver. While Lila is hacking him to bits, you hear the angry echo-y voice of her father telling her to be good and eat her vegetables, god damn it! So there’s obviously some revenger girl rebelling going on here. And then after he’s dead n’ stuff, she laughs and says “You look so funny like that!” which fits the mark of ‘revenger girl throwing sassy comebacks at her victims.’
And later, there’s a clearer cut revenger girl kill. An impatient fuck who is going to get the sexy but just can’t wait ten fucking minutes while Lila does her weird “seductive” private go-go dance, starts to throw her around the room. He meets the receiving end of a garden hoe, while Lila envisions cracking open a cantaloupe instead of his skull. Trippy.
Good or Bad?: I really love cheap, totally campy films. I realize that this may not be everyone’s bag, but I figured an early warning was in order, because you’ll find me praising a lot of movies that may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I won’t ever approach the film from a strictly critical standpoint, and judge the movie without any biases. The reason this won’t happen is because I’m a geek. And I geek out to really cheap, totally campy films.
So now that I’ve written all that: Good or Bad? Good.
Like I said before, this movie isn’t really a Revenger Girl flick. But the Revenger Girl, Lila, is the reason you must see this film. I mean, for fuck’s sake, she has trip outs about bananas. Bananas!!! Motherfucking BANANAS! Not to mention the dark humor that pervades the whole slasher lifestyle of Lila. The box on the hill with the arm poking out. Lila’s comment that one of her victims looks funny hacked to bits.
And did I mention the bananas? Motherfucking bananas.
Next Time on Revenger Girl Spotlight: Linda. Fucking. Blair.
The Revenger Girl: Lila
The Movie: Mantis in Lace
Weapons of Choice: Meat Cleaver, Screwdriver, Hoe
Plot: It’s fun to sum up this movie in one sentence. ‘Go-Go Dancer takes LSD and then kills some dudes while hallucinating about bananas and cantaloupes.’ I never thought such a movie could exist, and yet it does! And what a weird delight it is.
This movie also made me realize that I have a high tolerance to sit through bullshit to get to the gore. ‘Cause this movie is no Revenger Girl flick. It’s not even really a slasher flick. It’s a 60’s titty flick. There’s a lot of go-go club time and even a totally random sex scene that has nothing to do with the plot of the movie and features characters that you never see again!! You remember that porn movie that David of An American Werewolf in London watches with his dead friend Jack? Yeah, Mantis in Lace is a LOT like that movie. Which means it’s hilarious, really.
But amid all the bouncing boobies, there is a Revenger Girl story. And a rather unique and bizarre Revenger Girl story to boot, which makes me wish that the movie would’ve focused less on the titty and more on the kill-y, cause Mantis in Lace would’ve made a great horror flick.
So what to say about our dear Lila, the Revenger Girl? Well, she’s a go-go dancer. She has cool dresses. And she hates fruit, especially bananas.
When Lila’s not at work, she allows herself to be easily seduced by the patrons of the go-go club. She takes them back to her home (an abandoned warehouse with a mattress on the floor) drops some acid, has some sexy time, starts tripping about loathed bananas, then hacks her lovers to pieces. She stashes the body parts in cardboard boxes, dumps them out into the world, and then heads back into work.
At this point she probably sounds more like a crazy girl than a revenger girl, and I’ll admit, she may very well be more crazy girl. But some of the men she seduces have a very low tolerance for her ‘free girl’ antics. One, a psychologist, tries to psychoanalyze her lifestyle and impose structure on her life. He eventually meets the receiving end of a meat cleaver. While Lila is hacking him to bits, you hear the angry echo-y voice of her father telling her to be good and eat her vegetables, god damn it! So there’s obviously some revenger girl rebelling going on here. And then after he’s dead n’ stuff, she laughs and says “You look so funny like that!” which fits the mark of ‘revenger girl throwing sassy comebacks at her victims.’
And later, there’s a clearer cut revenger girl kill. An impatient fuck who is going to get the sexy but just can’t wait ten fucking minutes while Lila does her weird “seductive” private go-go dance, starts to throw her around the room. He meets the receiving end of a garden hoe, while Lila envisions cracking open a cantaloupe instead of his skull. Trippy.
Good or Bad?: I really love cheap, totally campy films. I realize that this may not be everyone’s bag, but I figured an early warning was in order, because you’ll find me praising a lot of movies that may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I won’t ever approach the film from a strictly critical standpoint, and judge the movie without any biases. The reason this won’t happen is because I’m a geek. And I geek out to really cheap, totally campy films.
So now that I’ve written all that: Good or Bad? Good.
Like I said before, this movie isn’t really a Revenger Girl flick. But the Revenger Girl, Lila, is the reason you must see this film. I mean, for fuck’s sake, she has trip outs about bananas. Bananas!!! Motherfucking BANANAS! Not to mention the dark humor that pervades the whole slasher lifestyle of Lila. The box on the hill with the arm poking out. Lila’s comment that one of her victims looks funny hacked to bits.
And did I mention the bananas? Motherfucking bananas.
Next Time on Revenger Girl Spotlight: Linda. Fucking. Blair.
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